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Why the good guys do not like women?

Why the good guys do not like women?

done guys: too obvious and predictable? Appointments postponed at the last minute without an explanation, hours spent to wonder why he suddenly disappeared, sleepless nights spent crying, thinking that what he said or done that has hurt us so much .. . Some people end up choosing only partner emotionally elusive and unavailable, while firmly rejecting partner affectionate and willing to build something. These people just love Who does not love them and want only those who do not want. The sincere and reliable partner, the "good guys" are regarded as boring and while men are seen as fleeting and unreliable partner exciting and fascinating. The "good guys" do not care because they are perceived as too "normal" you are fine with them, but there are no thrills, there's no passion and excitement. The heart-pounding thrills and instead you feel for others, complicated and unpredictable the men whose love was never certain. Men who have far less quality but have the great merit of making us feel alive. So what to do? Give up the passion or to live a passionate relationship but that makes us suffer? Why are unreliable partner fascinate more? In general, the difficult stories are accompanied by an engagement and physical and emotional stories of the "belly" where physical attraction and sex are intense and unsettling. But this involvement has little to do with true intimacy, a feeling based on profound mutual trust, and everything to do with desire for what you can not have. Passion, in fact, it feeds on uncertainty and difficult relations in the fantasy and imaginative component plays a major role. The partners unattainable (because married to another, emotionally unavailable, etc.) can be projecting all our fantasies without confronting the limits of reality. For example, silent and elusive man who knows what I can give deep thought and imagine that he knows how much things to say, as if I knew him better than most, I find that is not as interesting as I thought. Just because it's an unstable relationship, where there is no real everyday life and a true sharing, I can fantasize about it as if it would (if he finally leave his wife / you realize you love me / find a job, etc.). But sometimes the fantasy is much more exciting than the reality: no routine, no dirty socks to pick, no discussions on bills pay. All this activity of imagination is not possible with the "boy next door" or with a person accessible and available. Precisely because we know well, it seems that it can no surprises in store. There is no mystery: we know to please him, we know what he thinks and wants, as we know we can always count on him. Since we have a real relationship with him, we have an idealized image: we see it in a dispassionate and realistic, with all its defects and limitations. He seems a very positive person and we estimate that we respect, but certainly not the height of the prince of our dreams. None seen up close is so extraordinary, but all, at least we know each other better po'ordinari. The fantasy of 'I'll save you / I will conquer. " The reports are impossible exciting precisely because it based its challenge unconscious: that of being able to conquer, to fall in love or save the other. Many women fall in love with the untapped potential of a man and dream of making it bear fruit because of their unconditional love. So emotionally cold man, we see someone that was not enough but that he loved so much love to give and to whom we can teach them to love. In the playboy we see a man who has not met the right person (noi!) and dream of him fall in love, succeeding where others have failed. The irresponsible see someone has never been encouraged, and with our help, can begin to believe in themselves. The list could go on: this challenge, this desire to succeed in getting what we want, which gives the relations impossible that element of suspense and excitement. An element that is lacking in the relationship "normal" ones in which there is no need to prove anything because he is "our" and loves us. All this may seem to a woman who loves too much, something too easy, too comfortable, too predictable and therefore boring and mundane. unpredictability and excitement. The reports are impossible characterized by a storm of emotions that makes us feel in heaven one day and the day after hell. Typically, men suffering from emotional problems of the sphere have contradictory attitudes: alternate acts of loving (few) to cold and insensitive behavior (most of the time). E'proprio this alternate behavior to provoke strong emotions: the few kind gestures are, in contrast with the behavior of habitual lack of interest, much appreciated. Close to black as the white stands out and seems even clearer, the beautiful moments of history, in comparison with the many bad times, they seem cool and are experienced so amplified. the contrary, the constant attention and the availability of a boyfriend or a man in love is taken for granted and considered too predictable. A patient explains his motivation to leave her boyfriend for a man unfaithful and untrustworthy, "G. (boyfriend) I always gave 100%, was for me a lot of things but I do not like it, I indeed there hardly the case. But when it happened that he could not give me 100% and gave me, for example, 80% I got angry and resented me because now I was accustomed to his attention. consider it my right. Instead, P. (the other) gave me only 10% and would never dream of doing what he did for me and my boyfriend. But when I gave 30%, well, then it was fantastic! ". With the nice guy is not suspenseful: call when he said he would call, keeps its promises, says what he thinks. With him we should not strive to determine if this is out with friends or or torturing another woman to try to understand what he feels for us. It may seem strange, but it is precisely the unpredictability, the tension, the attraction that you can not have, to the relationship difficult to create an atmosphere of excitement that promotes sex and passion. And this is one of the reasons why the impossible love are very engaging in terms of sexual orientation. If your loved one is not readily available and elusive, moments with you are experienced with great intensity: every meeting is a meeting stolen, could be the last. In a report "more peaceful" the emotional intensity is definitely lower, precisely because there are depths of pain, there may even be the heights of joy. The report gives a fresh sense of well being and contentment that you get used too easily and that is interpreted as "lack of emotions," "boredom" or "too quiet". But is it really? The most important things for us, often those who think less, for example, to our health. Nobody really appreciates being healthy before being sick. And often we see the value of a thing or a person only when we lose. When the heart takes you in the wrong direction .. In many cases, impossible relationships begin in the wake of a powerful instinctual motivation, which explains why they are so compelling and disturbing. The other person attracts us because we see in her the opportunity to heal our emotional wounds and to take revenge on the past. In healthy relationships there is less projection, we see each other for the person he is and not for the person we would like, then there is less and less passion and pathos. But not always follow the 'attraction of skin "is the best because Our unconscious has a dark side and can lead to destructive choices. One woman, for example, fell in love only by men with problems of alcohol or drugs. Invited to a party in a room full of people felt strongly attracted to a man talking to him to find out who had just emerged from a community of drug addicts! His unconscious in room full of men, had taken her to flirt with the only drug present at the party! In the choices amorous attraction plays a key role, but must be balanced with rationality. Love and passion are two emotions which may initially resemble one another, but also requires consideration and love, respect, mutual trust, passion can be an attraction for a blind person who is not valued and that we do not trust. Dr. Anna Zanon

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Coping with Performance Anxiety SEXUAL

HOW TO DEAL WITH SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

The sex life of an individual helps to maintain its psycho-physical balance. For this reason, when we do not live with peace of mind, there are both psychological and physical problems.

Dr. Maria Rosa Greek Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy Gestalt

The sex life of an individual helps to maintain its psycho-physical balance. For this reason, when we do not live with peace of mind, there are both psychological and physical problems. I want to mention Alexander Lowen, Bioenergetics of the father, to describe a type of attitude that he calls "sexual sophistication" . Analysis are that go back a few years ago, but I still find it very timely indeed, the means of approach to sexuality taken by many people, these years of experience, I found and I still frequently find items that fit easily defined above in the type of behavior just as "sexual sophistication." how it differs from the other "sophisticated sexual ? The person sexually sophisticated, in general, know the various sexual techniques, it has had no inhibitions about his erotic life, is passionate about literature and sexy is sexually emancipated, at least in words. These attitudes, in fact, often they are associated with a balanced sexual activity, which, however, stands out in these individuals because marked by anxiety of failure in the "performance" . In fact, consider as a benefit the expression of one's sexual life mean the have to face a real test, so the whole set of facets that follow the concept of "evidence" such as, for example, fear of failing and not able to meet each other either. All this, of course, causes the failure of learning to live with natural sexual pleasure, without necessarily being associated with inner feelings and finalize it. If until not long ago performance anxiety was mainly expressions of man's world, mostly anxiety related to fear of not having to have erections or premature ejaculation, today the same anxiety is increasingly shared by the world of women, emotional state linked to difficulties in reaching orgasm (first considered absolutely normal), or the fear of not being able to fulfill the wishes of their partner.

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How to deal with anxiety and fear

Coping with anxiety and fear

Reassure with physical contact
If we feel that the patient is in a condition of anxiety or fear, we can reassure him by explaining that we understand what he feels, but there is nothing to worry about. If the patient does not seem to understand what we're saying, maybe we can shake a hand or puts his arm around her shoulders. In the case of hallucinations that scare him, it is best to pretend not to see them, but even trying to convince him that do not exist.
Respond to feelings expressed
People with dementia may have difficulty in expressing themselves: what they say may not be the real cause of anxiety or fear. For example, if the patient is frightened and continues to ask, "How long?" Can be understood as "How much time is left to lunch?". Instead it might mean "How long you stay outside?" or "How long will still be able to take care of me?". Better to know the patient, the easier it will look really understand what to say. We always respond to the emotion it expresses, giving safety and to demonstrate how important it is for us.
If possible, distract the patient
is common experience that if you can distract the patient, he forgets the fear or anxiety. However, it is often difficult to know the reason, but if we think we know what the root cause of his uneasiness, we can first try to remove it (for example, removing an ornament, a poster or a mirror, reducing the number of people in the room, improving the lighting to eliminate shadows, etc.).. Alternatively, it may be possible to remove the patient from the situation of fear.