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Why the good guys do not like women?

Why the good guys do not like women?

done guys: too obvious and predictable? Appointments postponed at the last minute without an explanation, hours spent to wonder why he suddenly disappeared, sleepless nights spent crying, thinking that what he said or done that has hurt us so much .. . Some people end up choosing only partner emotionally elusive and unavailable, while firmly rejecting partner affectionate and willing to build something. These people just love Who does not love them and want only those who do not want. The sincere and reliable partner, the "good guys" are regarded as boring and while men are seen as fleeting and unreliable partner exciting and fascinating. The "good guys" do not care because they are perceived as too "normal" you are fine with them, but there are no thrills, there's no passion and excitement. The heart-pounding thrills and instead you feel for others, complicated and unpredictable the men whose love was never certain. Men who have far less quality but have the great merit of making us feel alive. So what to do? Give up the passion or to live a passionate relationship but that makes us suffer? Why are unreliable partner fascinate more? In general, the difficult stories are accompanied by an engagement and physical and emotional stories of the "belly" where physical attraction and sex are intense and unsettling. But this involvement has little to do with true intimacy, a feeling based on profound mutual trust, and everything to do with desire for what you can not have. Passion, in fact, it feeds on uncertainty and difficult relations in the fantasy and imaginative component plays a major role. The partners unattainable (because married to another, emotionally unavailable, etc.) can be projecting all our fantasies without confronting the limits of reality. For example, silent and elusive man who knows what I can give deep thought and imagine that he knows how much things to say, as if I knew him better than most, I find that is not as interesting as I thought. Just because it's an unstable relationship, where there is no real everyday life and a true sharing, I can fantasize about it as if it would (if he finally leave his wife / you realize you love me / find a job, etc.). But sometimes the fantasy is much more exciting than the reality: no routine, no dirty socks to pick, no discussions on bills pay. All this activity of imagination is not possible with the "boy next door" or with a person accessible and available. Precisely because we know well, it seems that it can no surprises in store. There is no mystery: we know to please him, we know what he thinks and wants, as we know we can always count on him. Since we have a real relationship with him, we have an idealized image: we see it in a dispassionate and realistic, with all its defects and limitations. He seems a very positive person and we estimate that we respect, but certainly not the height of the prince of our dreams. None seen up close is so extraordinary, but all, at least we know each other better po'ordinari. The fantasy of 'I'll save you / I will conquer. " The reports are impossible exciting precisely because it based its challenge unconscious: that of being able to conquer, to fall in love or save the other. Many women fall in love with the untapped potential of a man and dream of making it bear fruit because of their unconditional love. So emotionally cold man, we see someone that was not enough but that he loved so much love to give and to whom we can teach them to love. In the playboy we see a man who has not met the right person (noi!) and dream of him fall in love, succeeding where others have failed. The irresponsible see someone has never been encouraged, and with our help, can begin to believe in themselves. The list could go on: this challenge, this desire to succeed in getting what we want, which gives the relations impossible that element of suspense and excitement. An element that is lacking in the relationship "normal" ones in which there is no need to prove anything because he is "our" and loves us. All this may seem to a woman who loves too much, something too easy, too comfortable, too predictable and therefore boring and mundane. unpredictability and excitement. The reports are impossible characterized by a storm of emotions that makes us feel in heaven one day and the day after hell. Typically, men suffering from emotional problems of the sphere have contradictory attitudes: alternate acts of loving (few) to cold and insensitive behavior (most of the time). E'proprio this alternate behavior to provoke strong emotions: the few kind gestures are, in contrast with the behavior of habitual lack of interest, much appreciated. Close to black as the white stands out and seems even clearer, the beautiful moments of history, in comparison with the many bad times, they seem cool and are experienced so amplified. the contrary, the constant attention and the availability of a boyfriend or a man in love is taken for granted and considered too predictable. A patient explains his motivation to leave her boyfriend for a man unfaithful and untrustworthy, "G. (boyfriend) I always gave 100%, was for me a lot of things but I do not like it, I indeed there hardly the case. But when it happened that he could not give me 100% and gave me, for example, 80% I got angry and resented me because now I was accustomed to his attention. consider it my right. Instead, P. (the other) gave me only 10% and would never dream of doing what he did for me and my boyfriend. But when I gave 30%, well, then it was fantastic! ". With the nice guy is not suspenseful: call when he said he would call, keeps its promises, says what he thinks. With him we should not strive to determine if this is out with friends or or torturing another woman to try to understand what he feels for us. It may seem strange, but it is precisely the unpredictability, the tension, the attraction that you can not have, to the relationship difficult to create an atmosphere of excitement that promotes sex and passion. And this is one of the reasons why the impossible love are very engaging in terms of sexual orientation. If your loved one is not readily available and elusive, moments with you are experienced with great intensity: every meeting is a meeting stolen, could be the last. In a report "more peaceful" the emotional intensity is definitely lower, precisely because there are depths of pain, there may even be the heights of joy. The report gives a fresh sense of well being and contentment that you get used too easily and that is interpreted as "lack of emotions," "boredom" or "too quiet". But is it really? The most important things for us, often those who think less, for example, to our health. Nobody really appreciates being healthy before being sick. And often we see the value of a thing or a person only when we lose. When the heart takes you in the wrong direction .. In many cases, impossible relationships begin in the wake of a powerful instinctual motivation, which explains why they are so compelling and disturbing. The other person attracts us because we see in her the opportunity to heal our emotional wounds and to take revenge on the past. In healthy relationships there is less projection, we see each other for the person he is and not for the person we would like, then there is less and less passion and pathos. But not always follow the 'attraction of skin "is the best because Our unconscious has a dark side and can lead to destructive choices. One woman, for example, fell in love only by men with problems of alcohol or drugs. Invited to a party in a room full of people felt strongly attracted to a man talking to him to find out who had just emerged from a community of drug addicts! His unconscious in room full of men, had taken her to flirt with the only drug present at the party! In the choices amorous attraction plays a key role, but must be balanced with rationality. Love and passion are two emotions which may initially resemble one another, but also requires consideration and love, respect, mutual trust, passion can be an attraction for a blind person who is not valued and that we do not trust. Dr. Anna Zanon

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Coping with Performance Anxiety SEXUAL

HOW TO DEAL WITH SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

The sex life of an individual helps to maintain its psycho-physical balance. For this reason, when we do not live with peace of mind, there are both psychological and physical problems.

Dr. Maria Rosa Greek Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy Gestalt

The sex life of an individual helps to maintain its psycho-physical balance. For this reason, when we do not live with peace of mind, there are both psychological and physical problems. I want to mention Alexander Lowen, Bioenergetics of the father, to describe a type of attitude that he calls "sexual sophistication" . Analysis are that go back a few years ago, but I still find it very timely indeed, the means of approach to sexuality taken by many people, these years of experience, I found and I still frequently find items that fit easily defined above in the type of behavior just as "sexual sophistication." how it differs from the other "sophisticated sexual ? The person sexually sophisticated, in general, know the various sexual techniques, it has had no inhibitions about his erotic life, is passionate about literature and sexy is sexually emancipated, at least in words. These attitudes, in fact, often they are associated with a balanced sexual activity, which, however, stands out in these individuals because marked by anxiety of failure in the "performance" . In fact, consider as a benefit the expression of one's sexual life mean the have to face a real test, so the whole set of facets that follow the concept of "evidence" such as, for example, fear of failing and not able to meet each other either. All this, of course, causes the failure of learning to live with natural sexual pleasure, without necessarily being associated with inner feelings and finalize it. If until not long ago performance anxiety was mainly expressions of man's world, mostly anxiety related to fear of not having to have erections or premature ejaculation, today the same anxiety is increasingly shared by the world of women, emotional state linked to difficulties in reaching orgasm (first considered absolutely normal), or the fear of not being able to fulfill the wishes of their partner.

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How to deal with anxiety and fear

Coping with anxiety and fear

Reassure with physical contact
If we feel that the patient is in a condition of anxiety or fear, we can reassure him by explaining that we understand what he feels, but there is nothing to worry about. If the patient does not seem to understand what we're saying, maybe we can shake a hand or puts his arm around her shoulders. In the case of hallucinations that scare him, it is best to pretend not to see them, but even trying to convince him that do not exist.
Respond to feelings expressed
People with dementia may have difficulty in expressing themselves: what they say may not be the real cause of anxiety or fear. For example, if the patient is frightened and continues to ask, "How long?" Can be understood as "How much time is left to lunch?". Instead it might mean "How long you stay outside?" or "How long will still be able to take care of me?". Better to know the patient, the easier it will look really understand what to say. We always respond to the emotion it expresses, giving safety and to demonstrate how important it is for us.
If possible, distract the patient
is common experience that if you can distract the patient, he forgets the fear or anxiety. However, it is often difficult to know the reason, but if we think we know what the root cause of his uneasiness, we can first try to remove it (for example, removing an ornament, a poster or a mirror, reducing the number of people in the room, improving the lighting to eliminate shadows, etc.).. Alternatively, it may be possible to remove the patient from the situation of fear.

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Work on Autogenic Training to defeat stress

Currently, we live in an 'era characterized by fatigue, stress and tensions that are now part of our daily life. It therefore seems impossible to give some pause for relaxation to our body and our mind. Yet Autogenic Training (TA) has been specially designed for this, and you reach the total physical and mental relaxation, helping to regain self-esteem through a series of exercises to do mentally and assuming (as we shall see below) of well-defined positions. The RAT is a bit 'like an island on which you can hide when you need to pull the plug, reconnect with your desires, to escape from stress, is a "method of autodistensione" is a technique of deep relaxation leading to deviate temporarily from reality. Imagine that your habitual attitude is like a dress: Autogenic training allows you to remove it for a moment and see what's underneath. It enables you to perceive that the feelings that feel if you were not pressed by duties, obligations and needs. Escape from time to time on the island is a way to become more self-possessed, which is the indispensable condition to withstand and overcome the tension or to make critical decisions. The road on the island is made of easy exercises that involve mainly the thought: no gym, just repeat some phrases in the mind with the highest concentration. The words you say (for example, "I relax" or "My legs are heavy"), stir up in you physical sensations such as heaviness, warmth or coolness, you will reach a state of mental calm and muscle relaxation. And as if in thought, you did a massage to your body and your soul more often repeat this massage, the more I feel the benefits. Those who practice consistent with the training becomes less sensitive to stressful stimuli, the ones that cause various disorders in the long term, by muscular contractions (particularly in the shoulder area), the tachycardia. Because the exercises are effective, however, you must learn to run properly. You have to train with consistency and confidence. And then you can get them anywhere, even in the office ..
take a little time, just have a chair and find a corner a po'appartato.

Stress

Nowadays, stress is the disease of this century are stressed employees, mothers, students, grandparents and even children.
stress, if present in the right quantities, is necessary for our life: in fact, if we imagine having to face an exam, is the stress that drives us to give our best to achieve optimal performance. E ', however, need to keep it under control because it does not become harmful.
Stress is a message of our body that should be listened to, only so we understand what our body wants to tell us and we can take a step in the direction of our personal well-being.

psychosomatic medicine, attributed to stress a wide range of symptoms and physiological reactions. The stimuli that give rise to stress, can be extremely varied: noise, sound, light, heat, cold, family tensions, relations difficult and disturbed, anxieties, fears, etc..
The body responds to stress in 3 phases:

1) ALERT: In this stage the body recognizes the stimulus (for example, the noisy fan with a computer) and tries to adapt to it. So "hear" the continuous noise and annoying if somebody it will be noted.

2) STRENGTH: In this second phase, which follows that of alarm, our bodies and our psyches involved through a series of reactions involving the whole of our system to try to "fight" the annoying noise.

3) DEPLETION : at this late stage, when the stressful stimulus persists, the body runs out of energy called up to make resistance, and establish the organic and psychological complex responses such as anxiety, panic, insomnia, depression, fatigue, headache, palpitations, sweating, loss of memory or concentration, muscle tension, sexual disorders (vaginismus, impotence, premature ejaculation, etc.).

Neglecting the stress symptoms, in many cases can lead to chronic disorders.
If you experience the symptoms listed in the stage of exhaustion, if you're angry and you altered to nothing, if you struggle to fall asleep while your mind goes to "think", Autogenic Training you can be of great help. The cause is usually psychosomatic, is a set of psychological reactions and associated organic.
therapy therefore can not appeal exclusively to the care of neglecting the other aspect: as the cure "eases" the deeper causes of our malaise, even the external symptoms will gradually disappear.

What is Autogenic Training? The

Autogenic Training, created by JH Schultz, is the most popular method of autodistensione and relaxation, designed to recycle energy, to eliminate anxiety, insomnia, stress, and used to increase the psychomotor performance in all sectors. Regular training to TA is also indicated to treat various psychosomatic disorders, and can be used to unleash the forces of self-healing, to overcome mental blocks and difficulties, eliminate bad habits and addictions (smoking, alcohol, bulimia, etc.)..
The TA is also a useful tool for people "healthy" in everyday life to rediscover, preserve and improve their ability to be individuals harmony and serenity.
Stress, depression, neurosis, insomnia, irritability, panic, are entered words in everyday language and which require urgent intervention.
Détente has become a necessity.

Autogenic Training: For what and for whom

What problems solved
The TA will learn to have more security and trust, to be more calm and relaxed and download less stress on various organs, in fact there are effective interventions in psychosomatic disorders.

Due to psychological discomfort, often have the following problems:
gastro-intestinal (ulcers, colitis, gastritis, constipation, diarrhea, gallstones);
-respiratory (asthma, rhinitis, bronchitis), skin-
( skin irritation, eczema);
-dell 'attention (headache, insomnia);
-Cardiovascular (tachycardia, hypertension);
-sexual (frigidity, impotence, premature ejaculation).

Who is in Autogenic Training
to everyone and always.
not only serves those who are evil, but also to those who are good to learn to get better.
Those who wish to maximize their performance both physically and mentally, at work, in the study and in relationships.
The TA has the function to allow people to reach a state of physical and mental health and serves to help us live better with stress of everyday life, to have a more positive view of the problems.

to me that they are an adult, why would ...
- are ansionso
-
'm depressed - I get tired for no reason
- I am more sad than it would be fair
- I suffer from insomnia
-
I eat too much - I drink too
-
little I eat - I eat normally but fattening
- I wake up at night
- I wake up tired as if I had stayed
- somatization, ie, suffer from type of psychogenic
- I feel fragile and insecure
-
I fear for the future - I'm afraid of loneliness
- I'm afraid of disease and death
- I'm an introvert and I struggle to establish social relationships
- I consider my life now useless
- I no longer have sexual desires
- I can not stand my wife / my husband
- I am irritable
and touchy - I suffer from hypertension
- I suffer from skin diseases
- incontinence "nervous"
- I want to improve my physical well-being and have a pleasant feeling of myself.

that I'm young, be beneficial for the following reasons ...
- Improve storage capacity and concentration
- Improve
school performance - Improve Sports Performance
- Improving job performance
- Improve my appearance
- Overcoming shyness
- Feeling less tired and more vital
- feel more sure of myself
- To have a better relationship with other
- Improve my relationship as a couple
- Solve my psychosomatic disorders
- Overcoming the anxiety and fears.

As a sportsman, I should learn it for ...
- Check my better muscle tone
- recover more quickly energies
- Check the emotion before the game
- Learning to see the path and the various stages of the race
- Being able to master and determining the athletic effort
- aim accurate results to be achieved
- maintain a sense of confidence in my ability.

Courage and self-esteem are the building blocks for the sport and they are achieved if you can shape the personality with the correct "positive attitudes".

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Interpretation of Dreams

	Do we really know the importance of our dreams? Only few people know it.
	Today disinterested in what we ' that is not' measurable or logical.
	Considering we spend a large part of our lives dreaming, we should give our dreams a role more 'prominent.
research on the human psyche shows us that (even if we adhere to a model of mind which includes the unconscious), there is 'a piece of mind that is concerned with what' we are not consapoveli a conscious level. Our memories, beliefs, bodily function, the attitidini etc.etc. Are intangible gazine and ready to go to our conscience when we need it.
Freud said that dreams are the royal road to our unconscious. Similarly, Fritz Perls argues that the road to integration. The two scholars argue that for our mental health, we need to bring to consciousness those emotions and feelings that sometimes lurk behind our negative thoughts or bizarre. Understanding the messages that our unconscious sends us, we have a better understanding of ourselves. Therapies and methods of analysis use different instruments seek to obtain this understanding.
One of the tools I use is' the analysis of dreams in hypnosis. In my hypnotherapy sessions, and the client I work in one of two ways. We look at a specific dream that the person brings to therapy, usually because 'the dream frightening, fascinating, or because' seems to have a meaning. or leads new dreams under hypnosis, to give the person a direction when they encounter obstacles to understanding in the course of therapy.
Relaxation techniques are used in various fields of human psychology, for example in the treatment of depressed patients. In these cases must be understood not as an alternative to traditional approaches to depression, but as an additional means of therapy.
Based on my experience I feel I can say that our unconscious is not logical way to communicate, and that we are taught to think logically, the unconscious messages need to be addressed differently. In the theory of memory of Milton Erickson, the hypnosis being more 'close to the sleep state than to waking us to remember our dreams easily, since we recognize the unconscious part therapy session as an opportunity 'to let the message.
In hypnosis, the conscious thoughts of the individual can relax and the therapist can 'keep clear communication with the unconscious thought processes. Usually the therapist intuitavamente work, helping the person to discover the meaning of the incoming message.
I do not interpret people's dreams. Do not consult the dictionary of dreams and I base my work is not on the general meaning of images and symbols that the dream of my patients. I believe that everyone can discover the meaning of their dreams. On the other hand, our dreams are unique to us, and even if we did exactly the same dream of another person, the meaning and the message could be completely different.
Often, the hypnotic state, being a state of relaxation favors a different level of awareness, which is 'already' sufficient in itself '. Through the guidance of the therapist can' understand the meaning of the message of the dream. Furthermore, the hypnotic state allows extensions shiny original dream, while offering new tools of interpretation.
Some people suffer from recurring dreams or scary. It 's a pity that some of us still have the unconscious fear, perceiving it as a dark and dangerous, so you do not want to explore the messages behind our dreams. Recurring dreams are usually the ones we do when we listen to our unconscious, and this continues to knock on our door in the hope that sooner or later we realize it.
When we begin the inner work, our dreams can help us to open ourselves fully to ourselves, allowing us to begin a journey transparency and integration, leading us to a place of inner peace, knowledge and understanding.
Under hypnosis, a single session can 'reveal the message of a dream. Once the person begins to explore the various components, examining the meaning and message in its entirety, fear or anxiety of the dream fade away. Being chased by the monster, no more 'scary when you put in the skin of the monster and you let go of his thoughts and emotions.
I recommend keeping a journal. Once awake if you have decided to recall to mind your dreams, you can do it easily. It 'should write down your dreams immediately after getting up. This will give us not only 'an opportunity' to do a fresh mind, but should prevent 'also to the conscious part in their own way of interpreting them, cambiadone posts to make them less effective. I keep a diary for years. Contains not only written descriptions, but also drawings, symbols, poems. Our real creativity 'can open up and grow through our dreams. Musicians often dream of music and artists paintings.
Do not be afraid of the messages from the unconscious, are a wonderful tapestry weaving and interpret.
LORNA CORDWELL for www.psychologyreaders.it e-mail: hypno.therapy @ mac.com
Translated by Daniele Teti

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techniques to reduce stress


As said the first question to ask is: What could have originated from stress? If it's external factors events as important or difficult relationships can be an effective technique based on positive thinking or visualization. If stress is a phenomenon in the longer term can help work on the system of organizing daily life and small settlements.

mental technique
These are systems that control the stress in the case for origin are specific events or a general state of anxiety: anxiety before a speech, exams, performances, events unpleasant.

• Anticipate stress. The systems are best prepare themselves and try to reproduce the situation, analyze what in particular the causes and ultimately avoid the stressful situation, if possible

• Reducing the importance of the event. If there are prospects for promotion, or a return of personal growth can lead to stress, it is therefore necessary to belittle the situation. Well concentrate more on quality than on the possible benefits and make sure that the opportunity is not unique but may recur.

• reduce uncertainty. If you have no idea what is being looked forward to the remedy is to clarify, where possible, what is perplexing.

• Show. It is a very effective method for reducing stress, often combined with physical relaxation techniques. It is to imagine a place where you are particularly comfortable or to evoke a pleasant memory.
  
  

Positive Thinking
not feel up to, to doubt of his ability, to expect an imminent bankruptcy, all quite common behavior. To face them first to be aware of what goes through my head and secondly to try to eliminate negative thoughts. All this can be facilitated by transcribing their thoughts to raise awareness and by using the so-called positive affirmations.

Meditation
addition to displaying already mentioned there are other equally effective meditation techniques.
In general these techniques to fix their attention on something specific to loosen his thoughts. The most common are: breathing , attach an object to focus on a sound



physical techniques are particularly useful when the main cause of stress comes from our body: excessive muscle tension or overproduction of adrenaline.

Exercising
addition to improving health and reducing stress helps to relax tense muscles and help you sleep. Its positive action is exercised on the circulation, neuronal activity, increasing release of endorphins.


muscle relaxation technique to stretch a muscle group to contract as much as possible, so keep your muscles in a state of tension for a few seconds and then return to the initial condition. The work can be done on individual areas or throughout the body.


breath control is a very common approach to relaxation, combined with muscle relaxation, visualization and meditation to reduce stress.

Biofeedback
This system is based on the use of electronic sensors that detect stress, the results are then displayed through a graph or the intensity of sound emitted by microphones connected. It is also a direct verification, the only existing, effective anti-stress techniques. The three most common methods are:

• skin temperature electrical conductivity skin

• electrical muscle activity

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Yoga

To win their fears and get rid of anxiety, sometimes, psychotherapists invite patients to participate in yoga sessions . It 'a technique that has its origins in ancient times. Need to relax and focus mainly on the body and the messages it sends.

Too often, you are distracted by external stimuli. If done regularly and yoga can make finding a great inner strength to fight all the factors which cause tension. In the technique yoga mind and body working together.